


I Don't Want To Remember You

by Solena2



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, By Which I Mean There Isn't One, Character Study, Gen, One Shot, POV Second Person, POV Undyne (Undertale), Undyne Needs More Love, Undyne Remembers Resets (Undertale)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27301780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solena2/pseuds/Solena2
Summary: Undyne remembers the first time she died.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	I Don't Want To Remember You

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I keep writing Undyne stuff. She's not my favorite character or anything, she just kind of forcibly inserts herself into all of my ideas.

You’re tired.

It doesn’t happen often. You’ve always had energy out the ears, bouncing off of any wall that dared oppose you, but lately your usual boundless energy and excitement has been in short stock.

It’s not that you want to be exhausted, you know? You want to rail against the machinations of fate, to scream your defiance to the heavens, and you will.

Just… not right now.

You remember the first time you died.

You know you aren’t supposed to.

You remember anyway. It’s with almost startling clarity that you recall it, your restless mind forcing you to watch your own demise over and over again in HD, and these days it’s the only dream that stays with you on waking.

You want to go over to Alphys’ place to watch anime and forget, but you know the anime she’ll play is the same one she always plays, the same song, the same plot beats and characters, and you just want so badly to see something new.

So you don’t go. Instead you stay at home, laying on your bed, your arm folded over your face so that you can’t see the ceiling that only has yesterday’s cracks and stains, rather than tomorrow’s.

The scales of your arm pull roughly against your skin as you rub your eye to clear it of the detritus it’s collected through the night. Normally you don’t get much of it, but lately you’ve been crying in your sleep, like the weenie you apparently are.

Well, “lately”. In actual time, your normal world, filled with concerns of what you’d do when the next human fell, what anime you’d watch with Alphys, what you’d cook with Papyrus…

_It was only yesterday_ , you think to yourself. You wonder, _how’d it all change so much in just a day_? Time travel will do that, you guess.

You laugh quietly to yourself at the idea of a yesterday, and it sounds wrong even to your own ears. You never used to laugh quietly, in the yesterday before your world ended again and again. You’d laugh loudly, and it would echo off the walls with the force of your adulation, and everyone in the surrounding area would know you were happy.

Maybe that’s why you laugh more quietly now. You haven’t been happy since the first time you left Alphys alone.

The day of your first death didn’t have an auspicious start. You’d fallen out of bed, thrashing and still in the throes of a nightmare about failing at your duty, about failing to kill the next human and knowing as you turned to dust that Asgore would have to bear your weight on his shoulders, now, as well as that of the humans.

You still don’t know if the dream was a memory or a warning.

You’d pushed yourself up from the floor with a groan, and your face had felt dry and cracked, like you’d bunched into your blankets too tightly and overheated in the night.

You’d made nothing of it and headed to the adjoining bathroom to take a shower and wet yourself under the cool water.

Alphys had installed a water heater in your house a few months ago, but that morning you’d wanted the ice cold liquid to shock your skin, to get you yelling and and uncomfortable and not thinking about what would happen if the next human to fall managed to get a high LV before you fought them.

(Even then, you’d never considered the human might dodge past you, might time their journey just right and miss your existence entirely)

(Did you know, even then, what was in store?)

When you’d finished your brief and unpleasant shower, you’d gone to your hot fridge and grabbed some water, already on the edge of boiling. Normally you would toss the water in a kettle to get it even hotter, but that day you just wanted the flavor as soon as you could it, so you’d tossed a few teabags in and started drinking.

Somehow, the tea had been sour in your mouth, though it had tasted the same.

You’d been annoyed, but you hadn’t bothered to make another cup, instead choosing to go visit Alphys.

Before you’d even gotten to Hotland, Papyrus had called you about a human, and so you been forced to turn right around, headed instead to the beginning of Waterfall.

He wasn’t there. You tried to call him, and got nothing.

(Papyrus always picks up by the second ring, unless something horrible has happened)

You’d been about to head to Snowdin to beat down his door for making you worry when you’d seen a human in the reeds and an awful suspicion had taken root in your soul.

A spear had been in your hand before you’d consciously called it there, and the only thing that had stayed you from killing them there and then was the child just a few feet away.

You’d watched them go, instead.

And go they had, leading you on a not so merry chase all the way to that bridge, where the kid had stood in between them and you, like they needed protection.

You were just glad they’d left the kid alive. Apparently even murderers had their lines in the sand.

You’d stood on a stony crag and normally the prospect of doing something so anime would excite you. Normally you would have been tense with anticipation just then.

You asked them what the hell they’d done to Papyrus, and they hadn’t met your gaze.

You’d fought.

You’d died.

You’d kept fighting.

And, slowly and painfully, you’d melted away.

You remember the first time you died.

You remember the first time you’d woken up afterwards, completely fine.

**Author's Note:**

> This ending feels weird to me, so I might continue this at some point.


End file.
